Wander Why so many Blah Blahs???

I intended to write this blog on the day itself but couldn’t find words to describe my feelings at that time. So it took some time before I could actually spill out my thoughts in words.

Last Sept. 19 was my 30th birthday in chinese. I’m usually bad at remembering dates in the lunar calendar. Or more precisely, it’s out of my mind at all. But mom’s the exact opposite. She remembers events and occassions in the lunar calendar. In her perception, chinese birthdays are the ones that needs to be celebrated. However, I didn’t expect that this year will be any different from the past. We don’t celebrate birthdays at home (not even Christmas). And I doubt if anyone in the family notices each other’s birthday. I think it all started when dad passed away (I was 7 years old then). Mom was busy making a living. My brothers were "deported" to the province for secondary school. So basically, it was just mom, me, and my yaya Lorna living together in our old apartment. Honestly, I did feel a bit bitter when I was still young. You know, birthdays are special for kids. But as I grow older, I got used to it.

So last Sept. 19 was just another ordinary day. Before I left for the office, mom told me to come home earlier that night. I didn’t really pay much attention to what she was saying. So the day just passed and I took some extra hours finishing my work that day. When I left the office, it’s almost 7pm. While I was on my way home, I received an SMS from my sister-in-law. "Saan ka na? Nagluto si mama ng misua at bumili siya ng cake." I replied: "On the way home na ako." At that instant, I can’t help myself but tears were just rolling down like crazy. To think I was in the FX that time. Buti nalang it was dark then so other passengers didn’t really notice I was crying. I was really touched. I couldn’t remember when was the last time mom brought a birthday cake for me. Others might think that it’s just a cake, and it’s no big deal. But for me, it’s something that I’ve always wanted during my birthdays - a cake from mama. Or even a pat on the head and a simple birthday greeting. I remember my birthday during that year papa died. Mom handed me colored Mentos and told me: "happy birthday. Sorry but this is the only gift I can afford to give you now." I was so happy that time. It must have been so special to me that’s why I can still remember it clearly in my mind until now.

When I got home, mom prepared a BIG bowl of misua with egg for me. She said it’s my birthday so I should eat birthday noodles for good luck. She also prepared other viands and specially mentioned that she made prawns for me. Actually after finishing that bowl of misua, I was already full. AS IN super busog na. But remembering mom’s effort of preparing this special meal for me, I finished all the prawns. After dinner, Sister-in-law was still busy tutoring my nephews. I looked around and didn’t see any cake. "Hm.. bluff lang ba ‘to?" I asked the kids: "Asan yun cake?" The kids got so excited and started shouting: "Ama yun cake!!" I think my mom intended to make it a surprise for me hehe.. and sis-in-law just spoiled the surprise. Mom went to the fridge and took out the mini Black Forest she bought from Red Ribbon. I blurted out: "That’s my favorite!" Mom said in a soft tone: "I knew you love this flavor". She started gathering the kids and sang happy birthday song for me. I can’t explain the happiness I felt deep
inside. When was the last time mom sang happy birthday song for me? I couldn’t
remember. I was crying already, not in front of them, but deep inside my heart. All the bitterness during my childhood days went away. Mom said, by tradition, parents should celebrate their children’s 30th chinese birthday so that they’ll have celebrations in the succeeding birthdays. Or anything of that sort, I don’t really understand.

Mom and I, we just don’t express our feelings towards each other verbally. That night, I really wanted to say: "Ma, thank you." But I didn’t coz I couldn’t do it. Geeshh.. I just hope my ma reads my blog. hehe but that’s not gonna happen coz she doesn’t understand english. Well, maybe one day.. I could actually find the courage to tell her personally: "MA, Xie Xie Ni…" (Thank You.)

*** Ma, that candle was so BIG!!!

*** It feels really warm inside whenever I remember how ma and I used to hug each other every night until we fall asleep (even until high school)… oooopppss… i think i’m gonna cry again…